Friday, September 30, 2016

now darlin', honey pie...

It's gorgeous outside - Fair season.
Crossing fingers things are settling down.
I'm gonna stop saying that this has been a shit year, 'cause maybe I'm bringing it on myself.

although...the debate and ensuing commentary this whole week - oy  -  all i can do is shake my head. November's almost here...I'm seriously exhausted. I read somewhere that 7% of people polled have lost friendships over this election...I'm surprised it's not more really....I've come to realize that a lot of people are lacking the skill to voice their opinion AND listen to a differing opinion respectfully.

Another reason why I like to read - you're forced to see a different point a view. So many people are stuck in their own heads...

Anyway, onward and upward!!! Positive thinking....


Think we might go see Micky and the Motorcars tomorrow - music therapy.

Speaking of - heard a new guy, Charley Crockett (on the radio no less - KXT) local Texas/NOLA guy - two of my most favorite places!.... not my Texas country typical, but Texas Music-ish and I think good music is making a come back... I'm A -ok with that!



Finished JQuinn's #3 (Anthony the oldest) and  #5 Bridgerton - Phillip and Eloise - she talks too much, he doesn't talk enough and they figure it out. Relatable-ness. So fun to read a series with the high probability I won't be disappointed.

Monday, September 26, 2016

the funeral

I guess I forgot catholic funerals,  kind of a whirlwind with in-between times of boring and catching up.

I'm not even all that sure why he had a catholic funeral...he wasn't all that religious? Apparently a few of my aunts wouldn't let it go.

I don't understand the purpose of doing the rosary. Seriously, who's idea was that?
The open casket makes no sense to me - people were upset because it didn't look like him but what's the point in paying someone to make a dead person look like they did when they were alive?
He's dead.
Even if it did look like him - that's even more unnatural.

And lastly ... priest/pastor who are you to tell me what God says and wants?
Show me proof, and not with a book written by other mere mortal men. that tells me how you know exactly what God says and wants.
.....It hit a nerve...or maybe chalk it up to everyone pontificating on politics lately... It drives me crazy.

Anyway, back to the funeral, what was the most moving is allowing people who knew him to speak/remember
and, since he was a veteran, see how the military honor his service.
The bugle...oy - just simple and...right.


Saw a lot of family I hadn't seen in lots of years. Talked to cousins I'd never really talked to before. Wonder if we'll ever get together like that again...I'm doubtful.

And through all this -  again I don't understand how things aren't discussed ahead of time. Everyone's going to die...I'd imagine one of the greatest gifts a parent can leave their children is to not have them figure out what to do (and how to pay for) when you die.



Finished
4th "Duke" Sophie Jordan book - why'd it take him so long to see her...ugh
Mary Balogh - one night for love - last minute marry, he thought she was dead about to re-marry etc. i know I've read her before, liked the premise. interested enough to finish but kinda mostly slow nothing amazing.
First Life - Gena Showalters - YA - glimmers of why I like her were there but read disjointed...again (I think I've used this term with other GS's books) liked enough to finish.
Julia Quinn's "Wicked" Bridgerton- I know I've read 1 or two? I'll have to check - she did well with this one! I'd never read one where you get to know a little of her first love first. I'm gonna try to read more.


Wednesday, September 21, 2016

back to the real west texas

So we leave to converge in El Paso tomorrow morning for the funeral -

weird hold EP has on people -  I hate it. I don't like going back there.
It's stagnant, nobody wants to change or evolve, it's dirty and brown everywhere. There's nothing to do.

But I find myself thinking that since this is probably one of the last few times (if not the last) I'm going to go "home",
I want to savor the food and feel the oldness of it 'cause no matter how hard they try, the desert wins and nothing will ever feel new for long.
I want to watch the desert sunset (the only truly beautiful I can say about it)  I hope it's real f'n good one.


and then say fuck you el paso - you did nothing but mostly bring me down.
And never look back again.

And so I've been Chris Knight'ing (and Slaid Cleaves'ing) all day today -
'cause good, real stories/music are just doing it for me today

But I’m thankful for the things I have,
And all the things I don’t.
And I’ve got dreams that will come true,
I got some that won’t.
Most the time I just walk the line, wherever it goes
‘Cuz you can’t hang yourself if you ain’t got enough rope.

There’s a tavern down the highway, I go to drink some beers
And wash down all I’m missin’ by hangin’ around here....
.....
Yeah I get on with my life



Monday, September 19, 2016

I'll remember you...

Did a whole lotta nothin' this weekend and it was grand.

Finished Christi Caldwell's  1 and 2 of the Heart of the Duke series,
Tried the first of Sophie Jordan's Forgotten Princess books - but apparently I've already read it.
Finished Johanna Lindsay's - Defy Not the Heart - another I think I read a long time ago?...big difference from the regency restraint I've been mostly reading to the 12th century. It's not that I didn't like it...but I did skip a little.
Then, also re-read Christina Lauren's

...just found out that my grandfather died this morning.
The last of my grandparents....I don't have many memories of him, (12 children - one of them, my mom - means many many grandchildren) there was just too many of us for us to really be that close. But I do have a few memories.
The one that stands out most is 5 year old me, wearing a pretty yellow dress and his calloused hand holding my hand, walking me to the corner store to get me a candy)
Another is when I first introduced him to Jamie. We walk in, I say "Hi Ito, this is Jamie." He walks up to Jamie, pats Jamie's belly and says, "You like beer. I have Miller Light. Then I will show you my machines." And so my husband (boyfriend at the time) fell in love with him... not too long after he fell in love with me.
I got to talk to him a little more a few years ago when we were in El Paso. Just him, me and Jamie.  A World War II vet, a machinist at White Sands missile range, a garage and yard full of gears and screws and machines and cars.  A funny man. A man that provided for his family. I eat ice cream with a fork because he did. Thank you my Ito - I'm glad I got to tell you and talk to you and really see you...even if just for a little while -  just a few memories, but good ones - I'll remember you...

Friday, September 16, 2016

20s vs 30s

Dropped Jamie off this morning at the airport for his New Mexico guys weekend trip.
Pretty sure I know what I'm doing this weekend - read- fest!

Well... that and fall/halloween decorating!!! MY FAVORITE SEASON!!!

Finished more Sophie Jordan:
The Debutante novella - whew fast.
1st Penwich - liked him more than her.
And 1st of the Ivy series - ok -  i guess? i like her historicals MUCH better - Cora Carmack is the only New Adult gal I've stuck with. She's got the whole awkward-ness thing, at that age, down pat!!

SPEAKING OF!!!- when we were at the bar in Destin girls trip last weekend, a really cute young 20-something drunk guy asked how I was doing (in a not-so- subtle suggestive way) while we were walking by. Not that it wasn't slightly flattering but... seriously was he flirting with me?!!! HAAA! So it got me to thinking

My 20 something, non-married ness - would've been like "I'm fine" and just kept walking -  kicking myself that I didn't stop and talk to him.



Me,  present day (in my married 30-ish ness) - said "I'm fantastic! you look like you're feeling great." and I wanted to buy him another drink and talk to him just so I could observe how 20 something men work now-a-days.
I'm SURE that he would've been fascinating entertainment!!!!  ...for a little while anyway....

Alas.... I just continued on - even in my own state of tipsy-ness i realize - one wrong move and intentions are misconstrued....*sigh* 
besides no need to waste his time solely for my entertainment right?
but ooo i wanted to. People watching is so much fun!

In a Ashley Monroe mood!


Wednesday, September 14, 2016

harpy wife *high five* & unhappy friend

Back from our girls trip -  husband says "nobody questioned me and I did what I wanted while you were gone" and the wife responds "I'm ba-aack! You totally missed me. What is this shit you're watching? Will you get my Halloween boxes from the attic?"... heheheee

It was fun, got a little tipsy saturday (rum always gets me) I got a good tan....JUST LOVE THAT PLACE!!! *sigh*

Kinda worried about  M though...she's a little grumpy, had a hard time relaxing. Overall not seeming totally happy and it just seemed to progressively get worse?

We couldn't figure out if it was because she missed her husband or he did/said something to bother her, or since she works from home now she's losing social skills and just wants to hermit or....I dunno. Kinda wished she was the kind (like us) to bitch about how shitty her husband can be and then let it go. 'Cause whatever was bothering her was kind of a buzzkill for the rest of us...oy.

I can't really relate to the wife that always wants her husband right next to her -
again.... no matter how much I like being around Jamie, I think we do better when we can just be away from each other for a few days every once in a while.
Or if he said something that bothered me, I don't do well with letting it sit and fester - that NEVER goes well for him or me.


She's so nice and sweet though...not at all like me in how she deals with her husband - there's no way my opinion or advice could apply. Hate seeing her not happy though.

Finished (cause I had time at the beach!)
Lenora Bell's - Only Had a Duke - was wary of the spoiled, suppressed one. Author did well! Brought me/her around. 
Found Sophie Jordan - really like her stuff! - 1 and 2 of the Debutante series - loved Ari and Max! Started the Penwich series. 
Also finished Susan Enoch - Mad, Bad etc...eh not terrible. Just that Sophie Jordan had a similar premise in her 2nd Debutante book that's much better than this one. Think I've tried Enoch a couple times now - just not really my style so not continuing with her. 


Friday, September 9, 2016

beach please!

Shit work week - date dinner tonight with the husband.
Then leavin on a girls trip to Destin tomorrow. Woo!
I'm locked and loaded with 4 books.
Otherwise gonna find me some lime-a-ritas and then....
ME til Tuesday.

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

friends/of friends, the buckle in my eye and a reading frenzy....

total reading frenzy this weekend,
except Sunday - we had people over.
Like 10 people? - that's a good amount - friends/friends of friends. It was nice and fun and all...especially when everything's not solely on us to feed everyone.
I think Jamie needed the socialization more than I thought...

I just get a little tired having to clean/pick up after people. I thought we were kinda past the age where people just leave their shit everywhere? Or gals?...I mean -  could we go a little old school and help a gal out with the dishes maybe?

Here's an example of a cultural difference....you can always tell when people weren't raised around a big family. I go in to someone's house knowing that you bring something, (at the very least your beverage of choice) and you (especially the women) always help the hosts consolidate/clean at strategic times for when the next round of hunger happens. ...but oh well...whatever. Really I'm just bitching...it's not that bigga deal - and certainly less expensive than going out, that's for sure. 

Just had my eye check up for my scleral buckle  - he says I'm good. May seems like forever ago - or maybe I just want to forget that it happened. Still getting used to it though....I can feel it stretch when I move my eyes to the right. Def notice floaters/flashes more, especially when my eyes are tired.  He wants to see me back in a year - we'll see how things'llve changed.

Finished
Elisa Braden's -new Viola's story  - Good story. jerkface moment! you don't ever go see your old girlfriend!ugh. 
Carrie Pilby - not sure how this got on in my queue?...didn't have high expectations but was pleasantly and thoroughly entertained! More than a few introvert/relate-able scenarios. I saw that it's going to be a movie. I hope they don't dumb it down...
1 and 3 of Christi Caldwell's scandalous - good getaway as always. ugh the blind-ness
Re-read - Sweet Ruin - it's funny how i seem to like Kresley Cole's books more the more I read them....

Friday, September 2, 2016

funerals / choosing not to go

the funeral is today. I'm choosing not to go.
and I'm getting negative body language when people ask about it...

It's almost like they think I'm unfeeling?
I'm not unfeeling, and I've put thought into this...
it just comes down to this - I imagine he (the deceased) is looking down at all the people that came for his funeral,

(Narrow down to the row I'm in.)
He thinks,  "ah yes here's Michael I remember when..." 
then "oh wow Ellen showed up...ugh she pissed me off that one time...".

I'm next and he pauses and thinks "who's that?"

....remember those two times I shook your hand in introduction? Yes, that is the extent of our association.

Next factor is - it's not so much about him, it's about his wife (my co-worker).
I'm more inclined to go in support of her...
but honestly - from my own past experiences, and what I know about her - she's in a whirlwind of people around her, adding myself as another person she has to take time to acknowledge seems more of a burden than anything.

if I'm really being honest - my inclination to go (is yes partly to show support for her) but also, it's partly to see how the Jewish faith differs in their funerals...
of anything, that feels the most wrong - to use my curiosity as a reason to attend a funeral.

I think I might see death and dying differently from a lot of people? What's really odd is how most people don't feel comfortable even talking about it. ... a fact of life.

I don't pity people who are dying. I pity them if it seemed like they don't live while alive.
In this case, it seems like he didn't at all  have that problem.

oy - I'm using a lot of "I's" and "me's" and so I acknowledge that there's a possibility that I might be wrong, Jamie already gave me the "it's the right thing to do" lecture but, for the above reasoning, it doesn't feel wrong to not go and I'm ok with it.

Laying low this weekend - maybe people over sunday...

Finished MacLean's Scot in the Dark - gotta say...didn't hate it, but it's one of my least favorite of hers. Overdone on self-worth inner dialogue imo, it took away from the story.