about dem Dems...

And so I lost every race I personally “upper level” invested in. (Well my HD is still holding out, we’ll see there. Not holding my breath.) 
Disappointed? Yes. Surprised? no…
And really I’m glad I took yesterday off for a couple hours of reflection (and patching of reserves).

I was gonna write this my “new girl wade into politics adventure” to the Texas Dems site, Democrat Party, Texas Latino and Texas Women’s orgs I’m a part of -  but for now it looks like everyone is in my same boat -  throwing ideas about, and raging etc. And it’s gonna go into a big black hole ….so I’m going back to what I know, just sit back and wait it out ...BUT still...why not throw it out here just so I can “all-in-one” vent.

Dear Texas Dems, gonna come right out and say it – would dearly love less of a shitstorm for 2020…
Since the presidential election I took notes on my “new girl here” journey. I sat on the sideline for months as an observer.
Nobody’s asked my opinion and I realize y’all’ve “been here for years” and “Dem suppression/apathy” and “no funding” etc…but I’d be remiss not to at least attempt to try to reach out to let y’all know where I feel where things went wrong from “the new girl perspective”.

I write this as a previous “fringe” girl who’s always voted the spectrum …until the last presidential election.
I “spun” for months, went to the march, found a huddle and got INVOLVED.
I’ve met AMAZING wonderful ORGANIZED people.
I still consider myself a fringe girl (as I will never forevermore just “follow blindly” - I want to know exactly who is speaking on my behalf and raise hell if they don’t do what they promise)
So yes even now, as a less “fringe” Dem – there were GLARING concerns.

Here are a few:
1) Precinct chairs -  I didn’t even know what those were! These are VITAL, especially since most people have no interest in straying far from their homes. Turns out I don’t have one (which was a process in itself to even find) and after researching the role for myself I lost interest.
Why? I loathe the “mandatory” 40 minute drive to McKinney.  Yep that was my dealbreaker.
Also I don’t feel I deserve the position -  I didn’t like block walking and I’m not a phone person. Which was constantly pushed.
when I talked to somebody at the collin dem office about my “different” ideas to engage as a “de facto” contact… I was told “don’t try to re-create the wheel”, do the volunteer 101 training (which was beyond boring). I felt compelled to disengage for not being able to find my “spot”. I took the poll greeter/watcher training last week. Again – BEYOND boring…and well in their defense… Didn’t help that I was hungover (yay Max Stalling) but  There has got to be a better way to include/guide anyone that’s interested in becoming involved! This is public relations 101! (yes this is my PR degree chiming in)
2) The assumptions: it’s super frustrating how it’s just assumed that everyone knows the elections process. I.E. - what the primary is and why it’s important. That you have to register and vote in your county. The new/maybe actives can’t get on board about something they know nothing about. So instead of asking questions they disengage. My advice (as a friend of the library volunteer) is: partner with the library system (become “friends of the library” volunteer), it already is an achor for each community. Start with a few and thread civic engagment/information in however community events they choose to lead.  THIS IS A SLEEPING GIANT OF A NETWORK OPPORTUNITY.
3) It needs to be clearly outlined why donations are important. I want to know what my money is used for. And I want to know what happens to all of it. This ESPECIALLY for POC!!!
4) I want an opt out option for receiving emails/texts when I donate $  -  I was inundated, bad user experience and this from someone firmly on their side!
5) Seniors – they are an underutilized beasts! Retirees have the time…I gave 200 of my postcards to one “self-professed disgusted Republican” I’d met and she finished them in TWO days!!! If one-on-one efforts are made so relationships are built and they asked to help as they can….they’d be an INSANE benefit!
6) Not a fan of the private groups that have admin’s monitoring every post – if it’s over 3k then maybe, otherwise it comes across elitest. Let people vent!
7) If a person volunteers they should know exactly where there candidate is at all times and there should be clear concise marching orders – I begged for calendars so I can “pop in” and help social media promote them. Tell me when to switch my frame on my profile. Tell me when/and what to post on Nextdoor! Tell us what to do!
8) Along those lines  - Nextdoor – there’s got to be a guideline for a more unified approach here – so many good intention-ed people would post things that were NOT helpful…
9) Bi-lingual flyers that people can print out on their own. But make sure all pertinent information is on there dates etc - That HELPED!!!


Postcards
- to save time I did my own “all-in-one”,  and donated postage. Couldn’t find a contacts to give me addresses, had to have my HD candidate reach out to a nearby precinct chair for addresses.
- naturally I wanted to stick by my precinct but didn’t want to duplicate efforts if it’s already been targeted?
- to that end, my area doesn’t feel at all targeted -  I was happy to lead the charge but who would I tell? How do you know all I’ve done?
- streamline ideas:
o addresses need to be easier accessed to volunteers (especially new ones that don’t have a clue who to reach out to).
o Unified targeting database so if/when people want to volunteer duplication isn’t wasted and overall visual of what’s happening.

More insightful things I've learned -
you have to keep hunt/pecking...don't expect a response, so when you get it, it's super nice.
For those that have "been here" hear them out, take the gold points and remember a lot of them are tired...

the duke buys a bride - sophie jordan - she was being sold at auction, and so it goes.
love and other words - christina lauren - they really tortured them this one.
dr. strange beard - penny reid - never thought about what it'd be like to remember everything. I have such a terrible memory...worse than average. I think it's definitely worse the former.

annnd others....and we continue.

Things are picking up. Feel like a bee.
I've been re-reading a lot. Zapata, MacLean...my therapy/escape go-tos.
I read Fahrenheit 451...after seeing the movie...curious why the movie didn't follow the book closer? It was like 30%? And the part where there was no "glowing eyes"...it was just waiting and hope...chills.

Late flight from El Paso had 2 chaperones escorting about 9 immigrant kids. From a baby girl to all the rest boys ranging to about 12. They did not act like kids. Their eyes were not children eyes. It was really upsetting. So I'm volunteering to go see about helping kids/families coming into downtown on Sunday...pretty sure it's going to be hard. But it's all perspective right...at least I'm not a six year old kid with nothing/no one.

Best song I've hear in a while - Will Hoge, Gilded Walls
https://soundcloud.com/thirtytigers/01-gilded-walls

sarah maclean's wicked and wallflower - so good - and the more it settles and I like it.
emma chase's - getting schooled - childhood to adult....i liked this one too!

got wicked pissed off at jamie the other day (last week?) I haven't been so mad at him in ages...and he actually had no idea why/how he'd pissed me off.
Basically we had plans, he made additional plans to play golf without telling me...and there I am at 6:30 all dressed up for a date night that we'd planned still waiting when he texts me "3 more holes to play". It blows my mind how even after all this time...
I was so pissed my voice was shaking...but we talked. I'm over it. still *smh*

Anyway - so I'm totally getting "involved" now - postcards and emails and training...and so I'm going to say this now (for in the future when I'm looking back). It's pretty hard to say you're "fringe" when you're handwriting postcards and nextdoor.comming  -- but I hope I don't lose sight of why I'm doing this. I'm holding steady at still being able to put myself in the shoes of "the other side" - even though it's certainly getting harder when it's as though many of them don't have any interest in reciprocating. Still....I think a big reason on how we got here is we've just have blinders on to our own thoughts.

ack! shit! I've been constantly distracted
books - I read Ward's The Thief - could totally see why that gal would skip chapters and go back to read one story line through.
Voyeur and the Varlet - she describes what a varlet is. I liked it....but Penny Reid is pretty much spot-on my style
Too Wilde to Wed - eloisa james - yeah i liked this! misunderstandings/miscommunications and some shenanigans, no evil person/antagonist plot. a winner

Politics - yep immigration flare up that's really been building for years.
The question of "but were you protesting in 2014/2015?" repeated.
So I repeated:
nope…besides voting and the occasional email to representatives, I wasn’t protesting anything in 2014/2015….I was blithely living in my bubble of privilege. And not gonna lie…I miss my bubble.

I have always had an interest in immigration though – I was an immigrant myself when we lived in Canada for 5 years. 
Grew up in El Paso otherwise and worked for city hall in El Paso as an intern. My step-father was an immigration/border patrol agent. Immigration law is complex, Even he had a hard time explaining. There were/are a lot of gray areas.
Holistically (as I understood it) intact families were rarely separated, there are lots of cases where children arrived by themselves. In that case it gets even more complicated.

Notice I say “as I understood it” cause I’m fully aware my basic curiosity doesn’t make me a specialist or privy to what “really” was going on.

Bottom line – I’m tired of the apathy… plus in the cases of asylum attempts - I can’t possibly fault someone trying to save themselves/their children (especially when the U.S. had a hand in the chaos that’s happening in their countries)…Just can’t. So heckfire yeah I’m protesting now. 

Charley Crockett tomorrow for some music therapy.
My Sheldonita has been in a Jack Ingram mood though...so I'll go with it:
Looking at maybe Mexico city for Thanksgiving? (why not...)...

Alaska (before I forget)...or really I should say the Carnival cruise to the tip of Alaska...

before boarding in Seattle, we took the train in to DT from the airport, no-brainer for $3pp one way. The rideshare to Hattie's Hat in Ballard was spot on. Sierra was a gem bartender.
Then we boarded the ship and we were off (for 7 days on a ship w/ 3k people on board)....I got dizzy the first night. Apparently a lot of people were sea sick. Rough seas. The food was absolute yuck....except Guy Fieri's hamburger stop (?). Jamie was at the bar a lot. We paid extra to eat decent food at the "fancy" restaurant for dinner most nights.  I deserve a medal in bearing Jamie's and my boredom and pissy attitude. Didn't see any stars, the sun didn't set till after 11pm. Scenery was great after day 2. High's in the 50's. Clean cool air. Saw lotsa whale plumes, LOTSA bald eagles. There oddly wasn't a lot of fish choices besides Halibut and some salmon? Otherwise...only other highlight on the ship was the"lecture" on the glaciers and icebergs etc....can't deny the last few years have been significantly different in glacier melting.

Fjord day - Apparently, the Tracy Arm fjord had too many icebergs to safely enter so we turned up the Endicott fjord. Lovely. A highlight.

Skagway Day - just a straight up tourist town. We got a helicopter to take us to the Meade glacier 20 minutes out. Pretty neat. Nothing but a certain kind of moss can live on it. We drank glacier water.
There's a 15 minute hike left of the airport. What must've been a 5ft wide bald eagle flew right over Jamie's head. He got a good picture of it where it landed in the tree. Lunch at Brew Company (BrewCo), the fish/chips were delicious. There's the Kone company fudge shop that was the most delicious fudge I've ever had. Went to Olivia's for some soup, sat at the bar, Jamie ate some salmon spread at FishCo. And like cattle, had to board the boat.

Juneau Day - just the walk to get out of town was killer, straight up. We walk/hiked to Ebner Falls on the Perseverance Trail. (6ish miles rt?). Nice. Back in town, took an uber to Douglas cafe (good biscuits/gravy) then drinks at Island bar overlooking the inlet. Bus back, $2pp easy. Had a "Alaskan right of passage" Duck Fart shot at Red Dog Saloon. There was an annual tribal gatherings going on in DT Juneau...if I would've known I think i might've planned around that.
And like cattle, had to board the boat.

Ketchikan Day - breakfast at New York cafe (good), walked the historical red light district. Found a hole-in-the wall bar...Eagle (something)...old school. Ate at Alaskan Fish company for lunch...meh.
And like cattle, had to board the boat.

Victoria BC night - only got to really see the place we ate dinner (cause like cattle we had to board the boat).  Little Jumbo restaurant had a good feel and - really good food/drink. I think I'd really like to go back and visit the non-cruise ship parts one day.

Will we ever go on a cruise again - no.

But we liked what little we saw of Alaska  to think we'd like to go back. (and whew...locals are TALKERS)
I think I'm on book 9 of Christi Caldwell's Heart series? I got on a Penny Reid re-read kick too.

ack vent

overheard my co-workers talking "what about how white lives matter"...and it's like that comedian guy said ""Some of my favorite movies are by straight white dudes about straight white dudes," he said. "Now, straight white dudes can watch movies starring me and you relate to that. It's not that hard. I've done it my whole life."

and even though I'm close with my co-workers it's not something you can make someone understand...how to try to see things from a different perspective.
Which is why it's really important (if they can understand) to have a white person call out shit to their own bubble of white persons. Like Jamie telling his people (that look/act/think like him) about not saying the "N" word anymore goes sooo much further than me saying it to them, even though I'm not even Black.
That's another unique thing about being an Latino, ...we're in a unique position to straddle both worlds...it's the spectrum of light skinned/eyed latinos to afro-latinos. It's not something to be ashamed of. There's no better...it's just different. It's embracing...until it's feared/mocked/denied. ugh

the "relation" said that what Roseanne tweeted was "brilliant" over dinner.
I said, "It's "brilliant" to insult someone? What I  think was brilliant is to use humor as her platform to try to show how people aren't so different/bring people together...."...alas it's like hitting a brick wall. 

Puerto Rico...i knew it was being covered up...you could see it if you even had the faintest interest. ....just not that bad. How does this happen? You can't just blame it on trump....there are many people in the position to see the truth of what's going on....
i'm so fed up, embarrassed,  exhausted

I've been sticking my head in a Christi Caldwell marathon "heart of" book series, apparently i've just hopped around with her. So that's a fun find to connect them
Worried there might be something wrong with my retinad eye. Dr appt in an hour.

We leave for Alaska tomorrow - the outlaw inlaws 50th. If nothing else thank you for the blessed blessed cooler/cleaner air.

the not wild west

flew into San Jose, CA Thursday morning and took the Monterey shuttle down - nice/easy.

Jamie met me later. It's ridiculous expensive to stay in Carmel (maybe cause it was memorial weekend?) still....it is a nice town and really good food.  Leans heavy on wine not cocktails. Best part...high of 62.

Day 1 - 17 mile drive/Pebble Beach/Spanish Bay - Mary's cafe for breakfast, yes good. The rest...pretty ...just so tamed/touristy with the golf courses. We sat at pebble beach over looking the golf course for lunch, then Spanish Bay for 4 hours waiting for the bag piper. The 3 hours before everyone started showing up was the best part (even with the beyond ridiculous priced cocktails).  It was beautiful out, apparently the sun for that long was unusual. I'm golf coursed out. And everyone I saw were terrible golfers (dressed/outfitted to the nines of course). Loads of tourists...walking the greens even. Grasings for dinner. Didn't do much for me. Jamie loved the fish.

Day 2 - drive down to Big Sur - stopped by Point Lobos first, worth $10?...eh i guess? We saw a few otters. Not 20 minutes later they shut down parking for being so full. Lookout spots on the way down..i lost interest. Jamie got good bridge shots. I liked the bridge before the bixby bridge from far away.  Lunch at Nepenthe, beautiful spot...don't get the burger. The Shrimp was delicious. Do we need to go back...i don't think so...but don't regret going.
Came back and walked down to the beach to see the Frank Lloyd Wright house...walked along the beach sidewalk...and then about died going up the hill back to the hotel room. Seriously...out....of....shape. My kidney's hurt. Went to dinner at Montrio Bistro...a best meal we've ever had.

Day 3 - fruit stands on the way to San Jose (high five) /Henry Cowell Redwoods/airport. I had on the way to stop by Santa Cruz but it just reminded me of Gatlinburg or Niagara...."tourist world" we didn't even park. No "Lost Boys" nostalgia there. Even the redwoods were tamed....though we only had 45 minutes "loop" so maybe it our fault that we didn't make time to go deeper.

Overall...a lovely place "the Central Coast"...can't help but wish to have seen what it looked like before it was tamed.

Speaking of - I'm on book 3 of Court of Thorn and Roses (Sarah J. Maas)...I thought it was a YA but the sexy times say otherwise. There a few irksome things but overall a good story...we'll see how it ends...

second sight

The Duke Who Knew Too Much - Grace Callaway - not gonna lie, skipped through the "dangerous/murderer" plot. Otherwise I liked the characters...chemistry was good.

Second Sight - Amanda Quick - paranormal-ish, I finished it, it was okay...

Blood Fury - JRWard - i forget how she intertwines stories. I was talking to a book club girl that literally skips chapters to read one story line through...and then starts again with the other story line. I like Novo's better...I still feel it was missing backstory for both. It's like 75%. 

Leave for California tomorrow - San Jose (Silicon Valley) and Carmel (where there's apparently a "very important" golf course) - I tried to see if I could sit in the Facebook lobby to people watch for a while

but it was confirmed that I'd need an approved access badge. Boo.

Tried blockwalking. - not a fan, but at least now I can say I tried it.
In an hour we hit 24 houses and it was freaking hot, the majority of the houses had "no soliciting", since we didn't want to piss people off we moved on. Of the 5 people that actually answered their door we got: three confirmed republicans, one confirmed Republican that's "not happy and closer to voting dem than you might think" and another independent that needs to "think about it".

I've been on a Kacey Musgraves roll the last couple weeks

racing

it's been almost two weeks.
already forgotten a lot of what's happened so...highlights.

Jamie's part owner of a race horse now *eye-roll* - we're gonna check it  out tomorrow.

Derby party was work/tiring but mostly good and couldn't ask for better weather! my Texas district house and senate candidates showed...i'd invited them obvious with no expectations... so that was neat. Rest of the day was fun until "one" guy drank too much and came real close to starting a fight (I swear people on the day of their first born should just sign something saying "from this day on  especially, you are aware you won't be able to handle drinking alcohol like you used to could. Don't try. " 

Heading to Houston for Mother's Day this weekend.
Whole lotta stuff happening next weekend - block walk (oy), bar, crawfish, band
Trip to CA-Monterey Bay is planned for Memorial weekend.

Books
High Voltage (Fever) Karen Marie Moning - glad i waited for the library here. I finished it but I think she went wrong with Dani and I especially feel Ryodan deserved better. 
Hello Stranger: The Ravenels, Book 4 Lisa Kleypas - the gal doctors story, he was intense. Not my favorite of hers but not bad.

Bet Me (Lucky in Love Book 2) Lila Monroe - has a bit of  that "contemporary" immaturity problem..but I finished it. 

The Paper Bag Princess (Classic Munsch) by Robert Munsch - this was a reco from the fb book club thread. i was curious how children's books read now. Not what i expected. Pretty funny. Nostagic for Roald Dahl. 

things no one tells you about getting older #1687

things no one tells you about getting older #1687 - having a cup of milk and a banana two days in a row for breakfast makes you gain four pounds in two days. Holy moly...i'm not kidding. This is bonkers....

Moving on - I posted last week on two of the dem pages I'm in,
Noting the seeming lack of uniformity/direction from the Dem party and questioning what the Dem leadership are actually doing while the "grassroots" move. -
couldn't help myself!

I knew I was going in with the high chance I was about nettle some people with my forthrightness but I'm getting frustrated and apparently (based on feedback) I wasn't alone.

Surprisingly only a couple were notably irked. After dm'ing a few of the people who posted responses, I got really great feedback actually!
One of which is to tie in to the precinct chair - as they're a direct connection to the Dem party.
I looked into my precinct chair - unsurprisingly I don't have one - mine's one of the farthest away from the county court. It's a 40 minute drive and you have to attend meetings. Still it's important to note.

The other dem page that I posted to - i got a dm this morning saying that the admins weren't going to approve it because it didn't meet their guidelines and they were concerned about the controversy.
I get it, I do...it's just I really think that these things need to be addressed/discussed - this might be one of the many reasons we (they) got here in the first place...right?...or maybe not...what do I know.

We went to the horse races on RR game over the weekend for La's birthday. She sent me an email Friday talking about crazy Left-wing media bias and guns don't kill people and checking on spoons cause they apparently make you fat as a comparison....I wrote back saying "can you describe the spoon thing? Cause all I thought after reading it was “if a person wants to eat themselves to death with a spoon then that’s a personal choice they made about their own life…”. How does that compare with a gun that can be used irresponsibly to kill someone?"

Also watched Amy Schumer's new movie - good message, just kinda missed the mark somewhere and only a couple laughs. Still a fan.

 I didn't try reading anything new this time - wasn't actually home a lot. Just re-reading scenes from favorite books. Trehan Daciano, Kulti. Can't go wrong there.

my social butterfly limit was reached over the weekend.
Dinner with friends Friday and Saturday.
Book club Saturday/met one of my favorite authors - and she was as lovely as I'd hope she'd be. I asked if she intentionally went in writing a book to torture her people like how she does...and she basically said "yes and you're welcome".... heh

"Good Luck with That" was pretty heavy (no pun intended)...if there was one thing that got on my nerves it's that each of them pointed out too many times that the" biggest one was the biggest one". And after a while just wish she'd move on from each mentioning weight/body image...
but I guess that was the point...that it takes over lives as they let it - it took a couple days for me to read. I'm sure she's gonna get major backlash...but I think she knows it. She definitely went there.

Then Dem gal group Sunday for fundraising committee - I think I irritated one when I said a luncheon sounded boring to me. I probably should've not been so blunt....i can't help myself sometimes. Seriously though....same old boring status quo...this is the problem...can we have a Latin or Bluegrass night or something fun to really interest a lot of people (not just a certain kind)? on that thought

once upon a time, back in college days, a gal and her friend decided to take a road trip to Atlanta.
Pensacola (on the way) had a great beach AND a military base. *score for the gals!*
So naturally,the picture below is what we pictured in our mind - a line-up (just for us) on the way to the beach!
And well.... we did see very attractive men - it just turned out that the men were attracted to each other - we'd some how parked ourselves on the gay beach. Oh well...it was fun!

Fast forward 15ish years - I hear that the National Guard is being rounded up (for no logical reason) to basically spend a whole lot of our tax $ to watch our border patrol agents do their jobs.

I mean several coastal towns are still struggling after Harvey right?
Or...umm how about Puerto Rico?

BUT! well...a gal can (once again) picture the below to make the situation seem just a little better - right? We're heading back down to El Paso in July...I don't know what a National Guard uniform looks like, but maybe they'll be lined up like this just for us!!


Had dinner friday with my dad and aunt - I'm worried for her, I'm not sure how any single person really makes it as a real estate agent.

Went to the book club last night to get the new Kristan Higgins book before meeting her on Saturday. The book is apparently about weight issues and it was a touchy subject for those that had already read it. One DNF even. wow. Still... fun group, I'll likely go again. Plus one of the gals used the word "buttress" in description and *lightbulb* who but reader people use good words any more?! I dig it.

Finished: Christi  Caldwell - The Hellion - I liked the not typical gal but still it jumped from interest to love super quick...
Lisa Kleypas - Because you're mine - capital theater #2...i'd apparently bought this and forgot. I found it at 0% in my library. Sheltered girl runs away to escape arranged marriage.

this "getting involved" stuff is ramping up. Plus planning for derby party. I also joined a fb travel group so i'm looking at that (and getting serious wanderlust).
And not gonna lie...had way too much to drink on Friday watching the Rebirth (fun as always)...we spent Saturday/Sunday recovering.. netflix.
I watched documentaries about  Maya Angelou,  The Art of Loving, 60's/70's, what women/people did to change things and Like Water for Chocolate
...about how things change but it comes back around it's almost exactly what's happening today but masked differently...
 It caused me to take a dark turn to thinking... 
The tables will turn .. and so what? ....it's cyclical and each turn causes insidiousness...and we go further down the rabbit hole ...

finished
It Happened One Midnight: Pennyroyal Green Series -  Julie Anne Long - re-read...i only remembered a small glimpse...but it reminded me why i read the whole series...you fall in. 
Taming Elijah (The Kincaids Book 1) Stacy Reid - the first of hers i've not cared for...but I think it's because it's a Western...I must've had bad past life experiences cause I can't hardly stand Westerns.
Endurance - Amy Daws - the next brother soccer player player. I liked her too though...
Keeper - Amy Daws - childhood friend to love good too. 
Sex Symbol: A Standalone Romance (Hollywood Heat) Laurelin Paige - i thought it was pretty well written...i'll not remember them as a couple but as the story. 

And this guy named Jesus Valles posted the below on facebook. 
I don't know him but it reached my feed somehow and I'm hoping millions of people read it cause he's able to condense here some of my fleeting thoughts:
"Austin is an exhausting place where racism smiles at you and does yoga and is a kind teacher and is such a good actor and is just trying to help you and just wants to know why you're so upset and thinks we should wait to know more details and tells you the bomber was a nice, young man who was troubled and it's the smiling face of a white boy on a Statesman story about a murderer and it could never happen here and he was home schooled and just look at his mom's post from his graduation and it tells you maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions and speaks shitty Spanish at you in hopes to make you feel more comfortable and has an all white cast and fucks you at night but thinks you shouldn't be so angry all the time and needs you to understand the bomber was from a godly family and he was just so frustrated and dissatisfied with his life and ignores you in line at the pizza place and will tell you love is love is love in the same profile it asks for "No Asians, No Blacks" and it's not racist, just a preference and loves this cool coffee place where you get to hang with cats and once made that joke about hoodies and skittles but you didn't seem to find it funny and runs an independent bookstore and if you want racism to end, why do you always bring it up and is one of your students in that one class who is always making those comments and thinks you're being very divisive and if he didn't want to die then he shouldn't be resisting arrest and its parents came to this country legally so it doesn't see what the big deal is and it calls itself socially liberal but fiscally conservative and his improv show was so good and needs you to use punctuation because it can't possibly understand you otherwise and tells you to stop crying wolf and it asks you to stop making yourself uncomfortable, you're looking for reasons to be angry and loves playing Kendrick Lamar in the car and singing along to every word, every word and it calls the cops on the neighbors because they're so loud all the time and that's just how he is with all women, don't take it personally and the department is absolutely not discriminatory and can't be racist because they're Mexican and just wishes these people would stop blocking the street and gay pride is just not the right time to protest about Black Lives Matter and would love to have a conversation with you in private and just thinks we should be fighting the real enemy and if you would just give it a moment to explain itself and is so sorry that things got out of hand, it was just such a stressful day and it just loves all the new business coming into the city and it thinks that H&M thing was just way blown out of proportion and it wants to audition for RuPaul's Drag Race and you are so surprisingly eloquent and i don't mean to sound racist and how can we have dialogue if you're just going to be so angry and her husband is Puerto Rican and his best friend in college was Black and would just like you to read the book before you get so angry and it can't understand why people get so upset and just wants to clarify that it's not officially sponsoring the event, just making a little money off of it and says it has a constitutional right to free speech and it calls itself an ally when its being watched and it waits to get drunk to say racist shit and then tells you it's just a joke and no actors of color showed up so we just did the best we could and it calls you ugly at the bar and thinks you shouldn't speak Spanish because they can't understand what you are saying and asks you to overlook genocide and it has a DACA Facebook filter but doesn't want to go to "that part of town" and voted Democrat and feels if you got nothing to hide there's no need to be scared of cops and puts its fingers in your hair because y'all are cool like that and it is asking you to smile all the time and it shops at Whole Foods and it loves trap and if you don't like it here, then why don't you just leave and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and I am so exhausted and I just want to know when we get a break, I guess.

for a long time now my refrain has been "we only got us," and i am unwavering in my refrain and still, goddamn if this city doesn't make you feel so alone sometimes. my brain is tired and my body is sick and i just want some water to sit by."

Saw 1100 springs last night - good as always, anniversary dinner and mom in town this weekend.

friend of friend going through a breakup fell apart last weekend.
It starts when we went out for St. Paddy's day  - it was packed (and gradually louder) - we move to the house...and lord the poor girl...she broke down.
She'd been with the guy for 1.5 years...he decides to tell her he doesn't want to get married and doesn't want kids, she's shocked. She broke up with him because she desperately wants kids.

So...I mean I've only really been in one relationship for my adult life but... pretty sure a person in a relationship gives signs, you just sometimes choose to not see them or believe them.

In an effort to try to change the subject - i asked if she was going to her 20 year high school reunion. "No! I'm single and have no children!", she cried....*sigh*

Night after Night - Lauren Blakely - it's a teaser to try to buy more...i didn't/won't.

so we more 1100 springs

apparently I'm going to the Tech game tonight for March Madness - Jamie  (with his algorithms and spreadsheets) scoffed at my basketball picks - even though I picked the winners the last two years! Such a snob...

and i don't get the old timers mocking of kids walking out of class to protest gun violence yesterday?
I mean yeah pretty sure some just wanted to get out of school, but I think it is important to take these kids seriously. It's not the same world as before...nobody older than 38 ever had the thought in their head that there's a chance they'd get shot/killed while they were in school...put yourselves in their shoes.

Anyway - we crashed a Shakespeare pub crawl in Deep Ellum on Saturday -  Fun! I think they even got Jamie interested - I'm gonna check in on their plays.
Then we bar hopped. started talking to a guy at a bar that graduated from my same high school two years behind me. Didn't know him but it never fails, if a person tells you they're from El Paso....you can pretty much bet they're gonna be pretty cool.

Marriage of Inconvenience - good as always...it just felt kinda one-sided. 
and i'm on a re-read kick Remembrance and Psy-changeling...

so...fun times...we were non-stop last weekend.
Turnpike Troubadours with Son Volt Friday...again, "once we just get the energy to drag ourselves to get there, we never regret it". They need to figure out rates though, I only was persuaded cause I found a groupon.

Saturday -  got pulled into L&W texas independence day with the friends round 3p - the W's got in a mega fight after she had a little too much to drink. They've been training for a marathon/torture fest though...both have minimal body fat...the alcohol shot straight through..oy.
We've all been there.
Well the too much to drink/too little food part, I've never had a problem with the body fat part.
Needless to say - we left early.

Sunday we headed down to Bishop Arts - cause why not....and yes Sunday morning is the best time I've had there...otherwise it's complete chaos. Then lunch with Jamie's old co-worker.

Besides that - again distracted.
primary day - don't think I've social media'd like I social media'd. Doubly resolved.
I've written to the national and state D party to get their act together. And never lower to the nastiness and wasteful spending I had to witness among the R's in my district. It was so gross. 

Going to the dem gals member meeting tonight -way the f up in McKinney...ugh.
But I'm off tomorrow - might check out a Shakespeare pub crawl saturday, otherwise blessedly no plans. Declined a daytrip adventure with the M's....

Books:
Badd Ass - ex seal meets "just for right now" girl - Jasinda Wilder - yes ok. I just miss connection as always with her story.
#2 Maya Rodale Wallflower gone wild book - no nonsense gossiped meets almost shelved who kind of rebels - liked the #1 better.
#3 Maya Rodale Wallflower - both with secrets...liked the evolution of character but nothing lasting.

and Son Volt!
When the hours don't move along
Worn-out wood and familiar songs
To hear your voice is not enough
It's more than a shame
Can you deny
There's nothing greater
Nothing more
Than the traveling hands of time
St. Genevieve can hold back the water
Saints don't bother 
With the-tear stained eye
Like a man said
Rode hard and put away wet
Throw away the bad news
Put it to rest

obviously lagging on this thing.
went out to a bar with friends Friday and tried to stay up to watch men's gold curling. didn't last. Still..nice win.
helped prep for wendy davis gala up at Southfork....if I've learned anything is that most every "organized" group is basically just flying by the seat of their pants. But hey at least they're trying...
Voted. and as she said "What will you fight for even if the odds are stacked up against you?"...especially in my county. 

Tried Delicate Ink by Carrie Ann Ryan - no go - DNF - couldn't draw me in.
Finished Roomies by Christina Lauren - another friends little sister. Not my favorite of theirs.
Re-read Beautiful Player - I'd only remember "liking it" and the running part. Yep good read. 

draft from last week:
lord I've come *this* close to going off on people on social media this week...

 to go after traumatized kids with conspiracy theories to try to sidestep an obvious dilemma is nuts.

Last weekend - friends/socialize over German food dinner friday night. Friends/socialize and Chinese food for dinner Saturday night. Better conversations are always had over good food.

Read a lot this weekend -
Kresley Cole - Dark Calling - uh yeah this love triangle back and forth is tainting the story.
#4 in Lauren Blakely's Big Rock series - the doctor and the bf kid sister. still fluffy. 
#3 Badd series -Jasinda Wilder - basically all about the gals issues
and skimmed through Mark Manson's - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck - repetitive, like the simplified approach
The List -Tawna Fenske - strangers quickly jump into it. He misleads her....eh. 
Wicked Horse - Sawyer Bennet - weak story plot, , he's using her for revenge. i think really i'm just over the "erotica club" thing. 

Friday ended up being an impromptu girls night - had a great dinner, we got tipsy, I danced one song ( and was ridiculous way out of breath. I used to be able to dance all night! ugh), Adam Hood was wonderful. I wrote him a note that said "we had a shit week. This is therapy. thank you" and gave him $20.

Saturday I recovered with all day Olympic watching
...same on Sunday.
Really I think I was so lazy my body was like WTF...

speaking of...we were watching the olympics and my own husband says
"Her? She doesn't look American."....at I don't remember which event we were watching. 
I turned to him, "What does an American woman look like?"
" Blond, maybe blue eyes..." and then fades away kind of realizing what he saying.
I said "You're what's wrong with the world...." smh

and no i'm not numb to the 18th(?) U.S. mass shooting this year already that's happened in Florida - I'm involved as much as I possibly can be to get freaking military grade assault rifles out of the hands of civilians. It makes no logical sense....even for "fun".

I read L Blakely's  first 3 of the Big Rock series and they're just pure mindless fluff-  Kresley Cole's comes out today I'm going to jump over this weekend between writing postcards and more Olympics.

had a lady yell at me over the phone at work about how "highly offended" she was about the Hubig's pie story and illustrations in Bon Appetit.
So (not having any idea what the story was about and with no interest in engaging in this kind of conversation with a stranger at work) - when she let me get a word in, I told her, "You have a right to your opinion. I'm sorry you're offended. Here's the number to edit in the corporate offices etc.".
That set her off again...ugh...

I got curious though ....especially cause she talked about New Orleans and how "tired of people thinking Southern people are dumb. People from Portland aren't any better than us in the South."

So I looked it up...there's no way she read the story - or maybe she just saw the first illustrations? Cause what it was, was  a change-of-heart story...
Wish the lady would've read it....cause really it just made me want to eat pie...in New Orleans.

I did write the author, telling her I liked the story (and that lady was livid...so I'm sure she was gonna be making big waves...her rage was sure to reach the author)

umm I've already forgotten what we did last weekend -
oh we had dinner with the H's...vented. Nice as always!

Finished MZapata's From Lukov with Love - and lord that gal can just draw things out...it hurts so good. I kept looking to see how much was left to eobook and I almost wanted to stop reading so I could draw it out longer.
And the premise just in time for the olympics...the obsession has begun.
Jamie's going out of town tomorrow - might go see Adam Hood. My mini's been playing him a lot so I think it's a sign I should go.

"can I ask you something that hopefully won't make you mad?"

Dinner with friends and an interesting conversation happened
My good friend said "can I ask you something that hopefully won't make you mad?"

... basically she couldn't understand why I've gotten so "involved in things" 
and I couldn't understand why she won't. 
It all came clear when she said "I'm a white woman, raised middle class a few miles from here, married a white middle class man. I've never really had to worry about anything, so I don't feel like I should be complaining". 
*jaw drop - mind blown* 
I've never thought about it from that perspective...and well she does have a valid point. All I could say was, 
"I understand - and if that's how you feel, then honestly I'm almost envious. As a Latina I took exception to my (not yet at the time) president basically calling everyone who looks like me "murders and rapists". As a woman, I certainly take exception to too many things to mention - and I don't know what it's like to be black or gay, a teacher or an environmentalist etc.etc but I don't like how they're being singled out/treated either. We're losing basic decency, empathy and kindness. I see things going wrong and I can't just do nothing." 
She nodded her head in sympathy....and then we got another round of drinks...and moved on. Nothing else to say I guess....

the forum Saturday - actually more interesting then I expected....
they only have 1 minute to answer a question...that's about right for me. My current rep met full expectations unfortunately. 
Volunteered to make postcards to voters, for my candidate...again right up my alley.
Getting my arts and crafts station lined up.

Chili cookoff - it's kinda weird to walk into a bar you used to walk into "way back when"...everyone's a lot older (then I remember) at 4pm...heh.

Finished
The Duke and I - Stacy Reid - masquerade that he plays along with.
Lucas: by Sawyer Bennett - so i realize that there are many people that are like this character where verbatim she says "for someone who craved to be noticed for so long and never got it, sex filled a big void for me. And the best thing about casual sex is I could just walk away"...characters like this already start off on a bad foot for me cause there's already serious insecurity issues that I can't really relate to. Then add the one-night stand pregnancy and .....

it's odd the relief for a one day March, where complete strangers are with you.

They went wrong with splitting up the days and not sanctioning all the events though...they need to work on that. *sosayiworthmytwocents*

Work continues to be so disorganized...seriously done with chaos. Maniacal laughter is a daily occurrence.
And saying this as a satellite...I can't imagine how people in the mega tower in NY are feeling. Layoffs and shuffles and nobody can keep up....i'm not sure how this can keep on.

Was only able to read one book but it was by the fave Kristan Higgins - Now that You Mention It - again for the gentler touch to the complicated, she delivers. The sister relationship got me.

Hockey game tomorrow, candidate forum and chili cook-off (maybe) Saturday....

So I made the Dallas newspaper opinion column.
Buzzkill when my friend heard about it over dinner the other night then got all aggressive/snarky with his comments (questioning why I was going to the march etc. etc.)
Then Jamie got pissed off at the way he was talking to me and oh lord…
but hey I kept my composure this time…
what a beating…

Also went to a grassroots social happy hour last night-
I described it  as
"Met a whole lotta nice/fun people 
with MEGA "pulled in a million directions" energy (*squirrel!*) - 
that made for great people watching. " :) 

Well it helped too that I met Jamie for dinner first and the cocktails went down well before I even got there- heh :)  The part I didn't expect is I met all my candidates in one sitting - they basically were rotating and since I sat still I was able to narrow down the 2/5 minutes attention.  It was pretty cool and I've made my decisions.
I still felt the need to make it known that I don't consider myself a democrat though...just because I feel I've been pushed that way, I don't like a label pushed on me. These reps need to remember that they are representing a wide variety of people in their districts. I think that's a part where representatives go wrong...

Dinner with the old neighbors tonight....
March tomorrow

Finished:
Hate to Want You - Alisha Rai - Second chance - childhood friends/romance. Family separates them.  Not bad.
Someone Like You - Lauren Layne - This one's the end of the series and she always hinted that he had hidden depths. I think she did good with tip toeing the loyalty line. 

I'm in a mood....

All this skepticism/snark/mockery in regards to the time's up/ metoo/women's movement is interesting. I'm curious as to how it's affecting personal relationships?
Jamie was (and likely still is) baffled at my recent involvement in local politics and need to go to the women's march next week. But he's never tried to mock or deny my thoughts or concern.
And quite frankly I don't need to get him to see from my perspective - I just recognize and truly appreciate his support.
So perhaps (before defaulting to derision) maybe people should try to say "I support you" wife/friend/mother etc. and see how that changes relationship dynamic?

Also, it's worrying that people are not seeing the bigger picture on these "tax breaks". It almost like "here throw them the bone...all they'll see is that they're getting something. They'll be so focused on the bone they don't see that we're getting all the meat."
Like seriously...don't they wonder why it was shoved through?

ANYWAY....moving on! I keep thinking I'll get tired of New Orleans and it's not happening - our Saturday day trip blew by. We jumped 7 places and again never touched the Quarter.

I'm getting really bad about tracking my books...
Laurelin Paige - Porn star - so yeah...reading about it the same as watching it...eh...but I hung on to get a better glimpse of the relationship part of the story...and it was ok. 
Samantha Chase- Friday Night Brides - eh. i read it. 4 girlfriends stories. pretty shallow overall.
Wake a Sleeping Tiger - Lora Leigh - i read it...liked them as individuals but together...eh..i guess? Wished she would've gone more into detail about why/how his recessed genes happened. 

And so we Charley Crockett old school/new school

Oy. I have no idea how people with kids do it...I can't hardly keep up with my own schedule. Looking at the calendar - most weekends through June seem to be filling up already!

Family cruise ship to Alaska is booked - lord...we'll be locked on a ship for the first 3 nights.
I'll stock up on books but ....I'm going to go stir crazy...Jamie's going to make sure it happens.

So one of the books I read last is a las vegas story -
The only time I've ever stayed up til the sun came up was in LV....dark rooms, bright lights...you have no idea what time it is. 

Several friends/family the last few months asked for suggestions on what to do "for cheap"....i struggle, LV is not the place to go to if you don't have any money.
First time I went was in college with my best friend at the time. Her grandma lived in a mobile home - so we had that free at least. ( I'd never been in one before...if she hadn't told me it was a mobile home I wouldn't have noticed. It was a big 3 bedroom.)

Anyway, we had no idea what we were doing, and had no money to do it with. We walked a lot and got blisters on our feet cause all the signs look like they're "just right there" We drove over to hoover dam...that was cheap. But yeah LV isn't the city to go to if you have no money.
Jamie has a work thing out there in May, I might go with him...last time (I think my 5th time?) I swore would be the last time to go. It seems to keep drawing me back in...?

My mom is on her way up. We leave for New Orleans day trip tomorrow.
I still have Christmas stuff I haven't put away...I'm trying to convince Jamie we go on NYD party hiatus next year....I'm beat every time....and this year wasn't even crazy....we'll see.

Finished:
Lessons from a Scandalous Bride: Forgotten Princesses - Sophie Jordan - girl is "recognized" by father, tries to marry an old man to provide for siblings but distracted by Scottish guy. Good, quick ready. 
Good Girl Gone Badd - Jasinda Wilder - the mma fighter brother meets ms. priss that almost gets steamrolled by her father.
Shine Not Burn - Elle Casey - a Las Vegas story...I'm sorry I hear about black out drunk but I think this took it way far. Also, I just have a hard time with the country boy/city girl thing. It's just really far fetched for the way they were written. The vows were pretty funny though. 

Started Christmas Anthology - fnished Lisa Kleypas story -