Monday, April 2, 2018

this "getting involved" stuff is ramping up. Plus planning for derby party. I also joined a fb travel group so i'm looking at that (and getting serious wanderlust).
And not gonna lie...had way too much to drink on Friday watching the Rebirth (fun as always)...we spent Saturday/Sunday recovering.. netflix.
I watched documentaries about  Maya Angelou,  The Art of Loving, 60's/70's, what women/people did to change things and Like Water for Chocolate
...about how things change but it comes back around it's almost exactly what's happening today but masked differently...
 It caused me to take a dark turn to thinking... 
The tables will turn .. and so what? ....it's cyclical and each turn causes insidiousness...and we go further down the rabbit hole ...

finished
It Happened One Midnight: Pennyroyal Green Series -  Julie Anne Long - re-read...i only remembered a small glimpse...but it reminded me why i read the whole series...you fall in. 
Taming Elijah (The Kincaids Book 1) Stacy Reid - the first of hers i've not cared for...but I think it's because it's a Western...I must've had bad past life experiences cause I can't hardly stand Westerns.
Endurance - Amy Daws - the next brother soccer player player. I liked her too though...
Keeper - Amy Daws - childhood friend to love good too. 
Sex Symbol: A Standalone Romance (Hollywood Heat) Laurelin Paige - i thought it was pretty well written...i'll not remember them as a couple but as the story. 

And this guy named Jesus Valles posted the below on facebook. 
I don't know him but it reached my feed somehow and I'm hoping millions of people read it cause he's able to condense here some of my fleeting thoughts:
"Austin is an exhausting place where racism smiles at you and does yoga and is a kind teacher and is such a good actor and is just trying to help you and just wants to know why you're so upset and thinks we should wait to know more details and tells you the bomber was a nice, young man who was troubled and it's the smiling face of a white boy on a Statesman story about a murderer and it could never happen here and he was home schooled and just look at his mom's post from his graduation and it tells you maybe you shouldn't jump to conclusions and speaks shitty Spanish at you in hopes to make you feel more comfortable and has an all white cast and fucks you at night but thinks you shouldn't be so angry all the time and needs you to understand the bomber was from a godly family and he was just so frustrated and dissatisfied with his life and ignores you in line at the pizza place and will tell you love is love is love in the same profile it asks for "No Asians, No Blacks" and it's not racist, just a preference and loves this cool coffee place where you get to hang with cats and once made that joke about hoodies and skittles but you didn't seem to find it funny and runs an independent bookstore and if you want racism to end, why do you always bring it up and is one of your students in that one class who is always making those comments and thinks you're being very divisive and if he didn't want to die then he shouldn't be resisting arrest and its parents came to this country legally so it doesn't see what the big deal is and it calls itself socially liberal but fiscally conservative and his improv show was so good and needs you to use punctuation because it can't possibly understand you otherwise and tells you to stop crying wolf and it asks you to stop making yourself uncomfortable, you're looking for reasons to be angry and loves playing Kendrick Lamar in the car and singing along to every word, every word and it calls the cops on the neighbors because they're so loud all the time and that's just how he is with all women, don't take it personally and the department is absolutely not discriminatory and can't be racist because they're Mexican and just wishes these people would stop blocking the street and gay pride is just not the right time to protest about Black Lives Matter and would love to have a conversation with you in private and just thinks we should be fighting the real enemy and if you would just give it a moment to explain itself and is so sorry that things got out of hand, it was just such a stressful day and it just loves all the new business coming into the city and it thinks that H&M thing was just way blown out of proportion and it wants to audition for RuPaul's Drag Race and you are so surprisingly eloquent and i don't mean to sound racist and how can we have dialogue if you're just going to be so angry and her husband is Puerto Rican and his best friend in college was Black and would just like you to read the book before you get so angry and it can't understand why people get so upset and just wants to clarify that it's not officially sponsoring the event, just making a little money off of it and says it has a constitutional right to free speech and it calls itself an ally when its being watched and it waits to get drunk to say racist shit and then tells you it's just a joke and no actors of color showed up so we just did the best we could and it calls you ugly at the bar and thinks you shouldn't speak Spanish because they can't understand what you are saying and asks you to overlook genocide and it has a DACA Facebook filter but doesn't want to go to "that part of town" and voted Democrat and feels if you got nothing to hide there's no need to be scared of cops and puts its fingers in your hair because y'all are cool like that and it is asking you to smile all the time and it shops at Whole Foods and it loves trap and if you don't like it here, then why don't you just leave and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and it is so exhausting and I am so exhausted and I just want to know when we get a break, I guess.

for a long time now my refrain has been "we only got us," and i am unwavering in my refrain and still, goddamn if this city doesn't make you feel so alone sometimes. my brain is tired and my body is sick and i just want some water to sit by."