now darlin', honey pie...

It's gorgeous outside - Fair season.
Crossing fingers things are settling down.
I'm gonna stop saying that this has been a shit year, 'cause maybe I'm bringing it on myself.

although...the debate and ensuing commentary this whole week - oy  -  all i can do is shake my head. November's almost here...I'm seriously exhausted. I read somewhere that 7% of people polled have lost friendships over this election...I'm surprised it's not more really....I've come to realize that a lot of people are lacking the skill to voice their opinion AND listen to a differing opinion respectfully.

Another reason why I like to read - you're forced to see a different point a view. So many people are stuck in their own heads...

Anyway, onward and upward!!! Positive thinking....

Think we might go see Micky and the Motorcars tomorrow - music therapy.

Speaking of - heard a new guy, Charley Crockett (on the radio no less - KXT) local Texas/NOLA guy - two of my most favorite places!.... not my Texas country typical, but Texas Music-ish and I think good music is making a come back... I'm A -ok with that!

Finished JQuinn's #3 (Anthony the oldest) and  #5 Bridgerton - Phillip and Eloise - she talks too much, he doesn't talk enough and they figure it out. Relatable-ness. So fun to read a series with the high probability I won't be disappointed.

the funeral

I guess I forgot catholic funerals,  kind of a whirlwind with in-between times of boring and catching up.

I'm not even all that sure why he had a catholic funeral...he wasn't all that religious? Apparently a few of my aunts wouldn't let it go.

I don't understand the purpose of doing the rosary. Seriously, who's idea was that?
The open casket makes no sense to me - people were upset because it didn't look like him but what's the point in paying someone to make a dead person look like they did when they were alive?
He's dead.
Even if it did look like him - that's even more unnatural.

And lastly ... priest/pastor who are you to tell me what God says and wants?
Show me proof, and not with a book written by other mere mortal men. that tells me how you know exactly what God says and wants.
.....It hit a nerve...or maybe chalk it up to everyone pontificating on politics lately... It drives me crazy.

Anyway, back to the funeral, what was the most moving is allowing people who knew him to speak/remember
and, since he was a veteran, see how the military honor his service.
The bugle...oy - just simple and...right.

Saw a lot of family I hadn't seen in lots of years. Talked to cousins I'd never really talked to before. Wonder if we'll ever get together like that again...I'm doubtful.

And through all this -  again I don't understand how things aren't discussed ahead of time. Everyone's going to die...I'd imagine one of the greatest gifts a parent can leave their children is to not have them figure out what to do (and how to pay for) when you die.

Finished
4th "Duke" Sophie Jordan book - why'd it take him so long to see her...ugh
Mary Balogh - one night for love - last minute marry, he thought she was dead about to re-marry etc. i know I've read her before, liked the premise. interested enough to finish but kinda mostly slow nothing amazing.
First Life - Gena Showalters - YA - glimmers of why I like her were there but read disjointed...again (I think I've used this term with other GS's books) liked enough to finish.
Julia Quinn's "Wicked" Bridgerton- I know I've read 1 or two? I'll have to check - she did well with this one! I'd never read one where you get to know a little of her first love first. I'm gonna try to read more.

back to the real west texas

So we leave to converge in El Paso tomorrow morning for the funeral -

weird hold EP has on people -  I hate it. I don't like going back there.
It's stagnant, nobody wants to change or evolve, it's dirty and brown everywhere. There's nothing to do.

But I find myself thinking that since this is probably one of the last few times (if not the last) I'm going to go "home",
I want to savor the food and feel the oldness of it 'cause no matter how hard they try, the desert wins and nothing will ever feel new for long.
I want to watch the desert sunset (the only truly beautiful I can say about it)  I hope it's real f'n good one.

and then say fuck you el paso - you did nothing but mostly bring me down.
And never look back again.

And so I've been Chris Knight'ing (and Slaid Cleaves'ing) all day today -
'cause good, real stories/music are just doing it for me today

But I’m thankful for the things I have,
And all the things I don’t.
And I’ve got dreams that will come true,
I got some that won’t.
Most the time I just walk the line, wherever it goes
‘Cuz you can’t hang yourself if you ain’t got enough rope.

There’s a tavern down the highway, I go to drink some beers
And wash down all I’m missin’ by hangin’ around here....
.....
Yeah I get on with my life