I almost didn't give today - "GivingTuesday" -
then I saw the news article regarding mandatory burial of fetal remains in Texas.
....so I'm gonna tell a story of a girl I know.
(and why today I've given on GivingTuesday)
All this girl ever wanted was to be a mother. As soon as she could, she met her man and had baby #1.
A few years later while pregnant with #2, her doctor told her that she had fibroids -
what I understood are like cysts on the uterus. The doctor said it was normal. No worries.
A few years later, #3 is six months on the way, the doctor asks if she plans on having more, the girl said "likely yes".
So it's suggested that while at the birth of #3 they would remove (scrape out) the fibroids (which have gotten larger) to prevent any complications with baby #4.
The girl agrees.
There's something wrong, the fetus #3 has the umbilical cord wrapped tightly around it's neck. It dies in the womb. The girl is heartbroken, makes the decision to have it removed, she has to live with the knowledge of harboring a 6mnth dead fetus for a day or so (
can't remember the length of time. Not immediate though) until the doctor can comply. It's done, and said doctor also removes the fibroids (
as noted earlier).
While trying to deal with the loss, the girl is constantly asked for the name of the fetus? how is your mental health? if she wants to join a support group? prayer group? how they would like to move forward with services? cremation? or burial? name of the "baby",
How do you feel? How do you feel? How do you feel?
The girl tries to tell them that, in her mind - what would've been her baby is gone. She does not want to name it and perhaps maybe look into how giving the remains to science might help other people.
That option is not available - in the state of Texas.
The pressure mounts to make a decision for the name of the baby and cremation/burial options - the girls husband says he'll stand by whatever the girl wants to do. The girl, wanting to grieve in peace
and resenting the effort of the state to tie her even more to what's gone by forcing her to name it, gives the decision to a family member, the family member chooses a name and pays the costs of death certificate/cremation (
which is not minimal).
A few years later - #4 is 4 months on the way, I'm on the phone with the girl and she's in the middle of a story when she says..."oy, I've felt sick for a few days. Let me get off the phone. my stomach is hurting." I say ok and hang up.
The girls husband texts much later that day saying she's in the hospital and has lost the baby.
Apparently, when the fibroids were removed after #3, they had scraped too close to the uterine lining, making it thin - so when the fetus grew, the uterine lining tore - thereby poisoning the mother and ultimately stopping progress of the fetus.
I go to the hospital - the hospital doesn't know where to put her - not in the maternity ward, they put her in the trauma ward - she's pacing maniacally over a floor/drain that regularly hoses off blood. She hasn't been able to shower, she doesn't even have a private bathroom.
The rounds begin again - what do you want to name it? death certificate? church service? mental health status? women's support group? burial?
it ends here - the girl blames herself for "killing" two babies
that she very much wanted. And grieves the loss of the ability to have the big family she wanted.
I'm still, to this day, full of rage on her behalf
(
since she has no room for else but sadness and shame looking back on it)
The state, the government magnified a traumatic situation.
I'm not pro-abortion - I'm
absolutely pro a woman's right to choose what the best thing for her is to do with her own body, WHICH ALSO INCLUDES what that body creates/ keeps (or has kept) alive if it can't sustain life on its own...
An individual, the State, the government, has no business getting involved in what should be a decision between a woman, her man (...
even that to an extent IMO.) and the doctors/medical staff that help her through it.
And so....I almost didn't give today -
unfortunately with a husband recently laid off, charity donations are one of the first things we pull back on - but I gave today. not much but I gave on GivingTuesday. Not hard to guess to which non-profit...
